Monday, March 7, 2011

Misadventures of Boris and Jing - Sphinx Pt 1

The Sphinx Stinx!

After admiring the massive monument from afar, we decided our next stop was the Sphinx. It really looked impressive, awash with lights against the clear night sky of dusty orange!

I woke Jing early one morning. After being assaulted by a long string of obscenities that would drop a clergyman in his tracks, she finally rolled out of bed. Still grumbling and mumbling under her breath, she threw some clothes on and made her way downstairs to the kitchen. We grabbed a quick breakfast, Jing downing several cups of coffee. Finally somewhat coherent, she let herself be dragged out the door on another of our great adventures.

“Boris, why do we have to come out in the desert so early? It’s so dark outside, I can barely see anything.”

“Haven’t you ever dreamt of being an international spy, sneaking through the shadows, avoiding killers, traps and other dangers?”

“Where I come from, that’s what we do every day. It’s called survival,” Jing responded matter-of-factly.

“Oh, aren’t you the funny one?” Boris countered, fumbling around in the dark, looking for a switch to activate the enormous door blocking the entrance to the Sphinx.

“What are you standing in? Phew, it sure stinks.”

“Damn, that is nasty! What the hell is that? There, I cleaned it off.”

“Boris, wiping on your pants leg isn’t getting rid of it, you moron. You still stink.”

“OPEN SESAME!” Boris thundered aloud.

“What the hell was that all about?”

“I’m just trying to have a little fun. Lighten up, Loretta!”


“It’s a sayin… Never mind.” He thought better of trying to explain. “Ah, here we go!”

A faint “click” was heard, followed shortly by the sound of grinding stones. Suddenly, a cloud of dust rose from the base of the doorway, as the massive slab of stone began to lower into the ground.

Once inside, we made our way down a corridor into a large chamber. There were two sarcophagi each on the opposing walls. In the center of the room was a griffin like statue surrounded by pillars. There were four dive wells scattered about the room as well.

We decided to check out the sarcophagi. We proceeded around the room, opening the heavy lids on each one, stone scraping against stone as the lids slid across the beautifully tiled floor.

Our big haul from the Sarcophagi was a bag full of dried “something.”

“That looks like the dried meals that you can purchase in the market. I saw them in the Explorer’s Outfitters shop in the small tourist district.”

“Gaack! Looks like dried seaweed and smells like rotting hay. Here, you try it.”

“Kiss my ass, Boris! You can be such a jerk! The smell is probably that shit still on your pants leg.”

“But you love this jerk! Don’t you?”

“Unfortunately! God only knows why!” she shot back with a sinister snicker. “Oh, Boris, I’ve heard there are treasures at the bottom of these wells. Let’s dive in and check them out,” Jing stated enthusiastically.

“Sure, why not? You first!” Boris teased, sticking out his tongue at Jing.

“Ever the brave one?” she said, heavy with sarcasm. Under her breath, she added, “Asswipe!”

“What was that? What did you say? What did you call me?”

“Oh, I said [i]don’t ask why[/i].”

“Don’t ask why, what?”

“God, you are so dense sometimes.”

“Yeah, yeah! Whatever. Now dunk your ass in that dive well!”

“Keep it up nerd-boy! I’ll kick your ass so bad, you’ll be crapping pieces of my shoe for a month!”

“You’re all promises, aren’t you? You get that dive well, and I’ll take this one. Ready, set, go!”

“I’m feeling lucky, Boris!”

“We’ll see about that later tonight, if we ever get out of this damned place!”

“Why did you start using this guttural language, Jing?”

“I thought you wanted me to!”

“First one back up gets to…something…”

“You’re stupidity never ceases to amaze me,” Jing noted, shaking her head in shame.

They both dipped under the surface of their respective dive wells. After a few minutes of thrashing and ripples upon the surface, they both emerged, almost simultaneously, gasping for air as they broke through the still surface.

“What the hell?” Boris wondered as two of the sarcophagi began to slowly open.

As the lids slid grinding across the stone floor, a person, or something, emerged from each one.

“Look at that, Jing. They even have people come down here in these dank places to act as monsters for our benefit. Let’s play along with them. Do you think they are professional actors, or just some local yocals?”

“We have got to see about getting you a brain, Scarecrow.”

“Whew! These guys stink! What is that smell?”

“I would guess rotting flesh and dirty, tattered rags! Hello! Earth to Boris!”

“How can these guys stand the smell? Hey, buddy, you smell like shit, you know that?”

“Umm, Boris, I don’t think these are actors. I think we should leave NOW!”

“You’re gonna chicken out on me now?”

“Boris, wake up and smell THEM! You are so dense. They are honest to God mummies, you nit!”

“Whatever you say, Miss Scaredy-Pants! Watch this! Oh, Mr. Mummy, you’re scaring me so bad…”

“I hope he rips your head off!”

“Oh, no! don’t come near me, Mr. Mummy! You’re scaring me.”

“I give up!”

“What the hell are you sticking you’re rotting, rag-covered mitts in my pockets for! Damned pervert! I’m gonna kick your ass! Screw the diplomatic relations!”

“Had enough yet, you foul smelling maggot?”

“God, you smell awful! I think I’ll dip your dirty century-old-smelling ass in a dive well after I kick your tail! You could use a bath. You’ll probably fill the water to all sorts nasty funk.”

“Bath time now, you ragged piece of crap!”

“I hope I bent you up, but good! That’ll teach you to go sticking your hands in someone else’s pockets.”

“Damn, man! Get away from me. Your stench is filling the chamber!” Boris exclaimed as the mummy seemed to rise from the floor and dissipate in the air.

“Umm, Boris! Can you give me a hand here?”

“Hell no! This one…hey…where’d he go? Well, anyway, he smelled bad enough. You can whoop on that one for a while.”

“Boris! For God’s sake, help me!”

“Oh, my God! He’s putting up quite a fight, isn’t he, Jing? Ha ha; look, his bandages are coming unwrapped. You’ve got him now.”

“By all that’s holy! Boris, what the hell is he doing to me? Nnngh!”

“You’re doing a great job, Jing! What’s up with your eyes, babe? That’s some freaky looking glow you’re putting out there! How’d you do it? Great FX; looks really cool!”

“I am so kicking your ass next, you half-witted nerd!”

“What are you getting so pissy about? He’ll be your slave when you finish with him!”


“What’s wrong with you, Jing? Have you gone all weak on me, now?””

“Damn, babe, you let him kick the crap out of you and get away! Holy shit you stink now, too! Maybe you should take a dip in that dive well! Whew!”


To be continued…

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